REALTOR© Being Stuck & Overwhelmed?

Wade Webb on July 13, 2022

realtor stuck overwhelmedPersonally, or professionally as a REALTOR© are you feeling stuck & overwhelmed?

Feeling overwhelmed is a natural part of life. Everyone occasionally feels overwhelmed by expectations, responsibilities, and a lack of time. The past few months have been a huge test on us as Realtors© and being able to handle everything coming at us with the change in the market conditions and our clients uncertainty with what they want to do now. However, dwelling on feelings of overwhelm and letting them knock you off course can be detrimental to both your mental health and your productivity. If you find yourself saying “I’m overwhelmed” or feeling stuck with more than you can handle, here are some things to keep in mind to help you get through it.

1. These Emotions Are Natural. In the scope of the Earth’s history, human emotions are a fairly recent development. It’s no wonder we haven’t learned to peacefully coexist with them and end up fighting them on a daily basis. It can often feel like these feelings should be easy to overcome, but feeling overwhelmed is a natural response to having too many things going on at once. It’s your mind’s way of telling you that you need to slow down if you want to live a healthier life. Recognizing that overwhelm is your body’s way of trying to help you through difficult times can help shift the relationship you have with this emotion. Once you recognize it for what it is and invite it in without fighting it, you can begin to work with it to improve your feelings in a healthy way.

2. It’s a Breakdown of Thoughts, Not of Life. Our minds are powerful things, and feeling overwhelmed can feel like the end of life as we know it. In the book, As a Man Thinketh, James Allen says: “As he thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he remains.” We have the power to manage our thoughts, and as a result, manage who we are and who we will grow to be. This involves making our mental and physical health a high priority. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, your life isn’t falling apart—your thoughts are. Take a minute to find and clean out all your self-deprecating, negative emotions and thoughts. As you do this, you will find yourself feeling refreshed and invigorated with renewed energy to take on the world.

3. Things Can Turn Around Quickly. Maybe you’re saying “I’m feeling overwhelmed” as you face a project at work and don’t think you have the energy or time to finish it. You start letting yourself play out every negative scenario resulting from a failed project. Sitting on the couch and dwelling on these thoughts isn’t going to make anything better. In fact, it usually makes things worse. Things seem to fall in place as you chip away at a project and come to realize it wasn’t as bad as you thought. A good friend of mine always say to me “Things work out most of the time, just not all the time. It’s all good.”

4. You’ve Felt This Way Before. Think about the last time you felt overwhelmed. How did you overcome it? In the end, was it really as bad as you thought? If you don’t learn from past experiences, you’ll find yourself suffering from the same problems over and over. Successful people are the ones who understand that every experience, good or bad, is valuable. Go to a quiet place, and take as long as you need to remember previous times in your life you felt this way and how you overcame it.

5. Your Problems May Not Be as Bad as You Think. The best way to find out how good you actually have it is to take a break from worrying about your own life and do something kind for someone in a worse spot than you. Volunteering at a homeless shelter or orphanage can help put your problems into perspective, and that tight deadline may not seem so overwhelming. Furthermore, acts of kindness can produce oxytocin, which can help you feel better all around. This is vital when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

6. It’s Easy to Keep Doing Nothing. Your situation changes quickly when you start doing something, but it’s always easier to continue doing nothing. The mind generally doesn’t react well to change and will do its best to help you keep doing what you’ve been doing. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, that may mean it tries to make you do nothing. Those who overcome their struggles quickly are the ones who never give up, even when they feel that all is lost. At times, it might feel like there is nothing you can do, but that is exactly when you need to do something. How will you ever know for sure there was nothing you could do if you didn’t try? At the very least, you will find personal confidence in knowing that you did everything you could.

7. Gratitude Can Help Immensely. In a world of people obsessed with putting their best self forward, it’s easy to feel like everyone has more than you. Get that thought out of your head, and remember what you do have. Often, the things you have right now are things you were worried about having in the past. Don’t let an insatiable desire for more blind you from seeing and appreciating everything you have right now. Gratitude can combat feelings of overwhelm by bringing you into the present, which will combat worries of the future. Once you’re in the now, you can focus on what you need to do to get past feeling overwhelmed and overcoming the many things coming at you at once. If you don’t know what to do you’re overwhelmed, take some deep breaths and try to start a gratitude journal: How a Gratitude Journal and Positive Affirmations Can Change Your Life

8. People Want You to Succeed. Remember there are people in your life who want you succeed. Your life touches so many others, and there are people out there rooting for you. These people are part of your support system, and you can turn to them each time you’re feeling overwhelmed. You can call them for a quick pep talk, invite them out for coffee if you need a break, or even ask them for help with your overwhelming list of things to do. The bottom line, feeling overwhelmed is a natural part of life that comes from trying to always take on more than we should. This feeling is difficult to avoid in today’s world, but there are things you can do to reduce those feelings once they do arise. Remember the reminders above whenever you’re not sure how to move forward, and you’ll soon find yourself on the other side.

Strength and courage,
Wade

Are You Battling With Self Doubt?

Wade Webb on September 22, 2021

realtor battling with self doubtHave you ever felt like you weren’t enough? That no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t silence the negative self-talk that stops you from chasing your dreams and your goals for your real estate career? You might experience imposter syndrome, a nagging feeling that makes you doubt your abilities. Escaping that mind state isn’t easy, but millions of people have done it—and so can you. It starts with identifying who you want to be and letting go of the perfectionism crippling your journey in real estate. I personally struggle with self-doubt and feeling like I am enough more than I would like to accept or admit it. What I have learned from this feeling is we don’t reach success or our full potential until we become the hero of our own life! This week I want to share a few tips to help us all including myself battle the self-doubt, self-worth battle in us all.

 

1. Envision your best self. – All personal growth in ourselves starts with one question “What does my best, most powerful self, look like?” It’s a challenging question because you can’t use someone else as a reference point. It’s not as simple as responding, “I want to be exactly like my mentor or an entrepreneur on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list.” Upgrading your life is a deeply personal task. Every little tweak should be intentional enough to move you in the right direction. Instead of modeling your life after someone else’s, identify what makes other people successful. Is it their confidence that propels them forward? Do they have more discipline than the average person? Whatever those superpowers are, write them down. Keep the list close by so that each day you can work on adopting those traits. In the meantime, be patient with yourself. It can take years to identify all the changes you need to make and master new habits. No matter what happens, know that each failure—and they’re bound to happen—isn’t the end of the world. You still have time to correct those mistakes and get better each day. Even if you want to be a nicer person—let’s just say that to keep it easy—you don’t wake up, and all of a sudden, you’re nicer. It takes time, effort and energy from repetitiveness to become that.

 

2. Stop chasing perfection. – Did you know that perfectionism has more to do with ego than wanting everything to be perfect? Most people know that life has its flaws. But the ego has a self-serving agenda and tries to convince us otherwise. It pushes us to believe that if we try a little harder, everything can be perfect. It’s impossible to grow with this mindset, especially when you’re facing self-doubt. The good news is you can beat perfectionism with flexibility. When facing a difficult challenge, reframing the situation stirs those rigid, unproductive thoughts. I [went] from spending two days feeling bad about myself, letting a negative voice come in and hold me back, to the point where now, in real-time, I can say, “ How do I want to respond to this based on the person I want to be?” Here are four steps to reach that point:

  • Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Real growth happens when you’re pushed outside of your comfort zone.
  • Have a learner’s mindset. Take some pressure off of yourself by admitting that you don’t have all the answers. If you’re feeling like an imposter in a room of experts, ask questions. Give yourself permission to grow.
  • Don’t create deadlines for your growth. Becoming your best self doesn’t need to happen by a specific date.
  • It’s a lifelong process, so focus on the journey, not the destination.

 

3. Manage your emotions. – Before you get stuck in feelings of self-doubt, try to regulate those emotions. Ask yourself one question: “What are the things I need to do right now to show up? That could mean you speaking up in meetings, even when you are immobilized by fear. I found being in those meetings extremely detrimental to my self-esteem…. You’re in a room full of people, and you have no idea what they’re talking about, and I felt bad about myself. Then I said, Ok, you have a choice. You can keep coming into this room feeling bad about yourself, you can stop coming into this room or you can admit that they’ve got 15 years on you, and now you can start putting your head down and learning instead of focusing on the emotion you feel badly about. Another part of emotional regulation is taking care of yourself. No matter how busy you are as an entrepreneur, eating well and exercising are two ways to stay in control of your emotions. It’s hard to make good decisions when tired or hungry, so creating healthy routines is vital. I lift weights with my trainer (after resting well), and do my best to be mindful of how certain foods affect my body. Everyone has different needs, though. Be sure to learn your body so you can have an emotionally successful day, stay in control and slowly conquer the self-doubt that’s holding you back and know you are not alone.

 

Strength and courage,
Wade

How Do We Practice Self Love?

Wade Webb on February 17, 2021

realtor self loveWanted to change things up and get a little more personal. We’ve been challenged physically, mentally, emotionally, existentially and fiscally, To put it lightly, 2020 has not left one corner of our lives unscathed, and every step of the way, we’ve felt the pressure. Pressure to get up in the morning with a smile on our face. Pressure to resume normal duties at our jobs and with our families. Pressure to remain optimistic even though our normal hobbies and favorite people are no longer available to us. How are we supposed to cope with all of this stress, knowing that most of our typical go-tos are off limits? My personal therapist Christine and I have been really practicing consistent self-love which I believe is the antidote for so many stressful seasons of our lives. While it might feel tough to nourish a healthy relationship with “ourselves” right now, it may just be the one constant in your life that will help you rise up during pressing times. So how does one even begin to practice self-love? First, let’s go over what self-love is and what it looks like, and then we’ll dive into how you can incorporate the actual practice of self-love into your daily routine.

The Four Stages of Self-Love

1. Self-Awareness – It’s as simple as this: Before we can love ourselves, we must know ourselves. While this may seem like an obvious point, it’s actually incredibly easy to lose sight of who we are amongst the chaos of everyday responsibilities, tasks and goals. We can get caught up in our “roles” in life and not pay attention to our core. So before you dive into your personal journey of self-love, take some time to make sure you are falling in love with the right person. Reflect on your authentic self—what drives you? Motivates you? Excites you? Disappoints you? Saddens you? Angers you? Inspires you? Relaxes you? But above all: Take all the time you need to seriously consider your deep-seated values and how they affect your decision-making and your triggers. Your values are the blueprint for who you are as an individual. They are the most telling things about you—and without knowing them intimately, loving yourself is going to feel forced and forged. If you’re looking for ways to dive into who you really are, I recommend looking into assessments. The Myers Briggs Type Indicator is a great start, along with the Enneagram, DISC and Strengths Finder. The longer you stay in this phase, the better you’ll get to know yourself. Don’t rush.

2. Self-Acceptance – Warning: When you dive deep into the inner crevices of exactly who you are, you might not love everything you see. That’s OK. We all have our random quirks and values that don’t look stunningly gorgeous on paper. The point isn’t to look at an airbrushed version of ourselves—but to fully embrace and accept all of who we are, even the less desired qualities. So give yourself some grace. Accept the fact that you might be a little overly obsessed with status, or that you like to avoid pain at all costs. Embrace your values—even if they make you flinch sometimes. The goal should not be to change who you are at your core. Self-improvement is meant to capitalize on who you already are. Self-acceptance is meant to embrace those fundamental pieces that make you who you are. You are a human, and none of us are perfect. A professor of mine once said, “If everyone in a room were to throw their problems in a pile, everyone would reflect on the other problems available, and still want to dig their own back out.” So own your problems. Own your mistakes. Own your values. Once you can fully accept—and embrace—your authentic self, the easier your self-love journey will be.

3. Self-Confidence – The best way to describe self-confidence is to think of it as self-congruence. When you show up as your authentic self in the world, and act on your self-acceptance, that’s self-confidence. This doesn’t mean you have to put yourself on display every chance you get, but it does mean that you allow your values and your authentic self to guide your actions and behaviors out in the world. When you honor who you really are—and let other people see it—you’re being congruent with your actions. You’re not hiding yourself for the sake of others, and you’re not shaming yourself for being who you really are. Instead, you’re releasing the pressure to play a certain role or stereotype, and just being yourself. While it sounds easy, we all know that’s not always the case. It takes courage and bravery to decide to respect your own values and opinions more than others. But that’s what you have to do—every single day. Decide to show up for yourself and not be dictated by how others view you. And when you find yourself struggling to find the willpower to keep going, simply whisper to yourself, “Other people’s opinions of me are NOT my business.” Not everyone will love you – but that doesn’t matter when YOU love you. Which brings us to our next step…

4. Self-Love – You have arrived at the fourth and final step of the self-love journey.  From here on out, you will make a commitment to yourself and to your growth. You will carve out time in your daily routine to invest in yourself, compliment yourself, reassure yourself and cheer yourself on. Because if you don’t, we cannot assume that others will. This is your responsibility, and you owe it to yourself. So what does acting on self-love actually look like? Below is the breakdown of actual steps you can take to practice self-love.

 

The Three Pillars of Self-Love

1. Gratitude – Every single day, write down five things you are grateful for, and reflect on why you feel thankful for these aspects of your life. They can be small, monumental, boring, exciting, static or ever changing. Follow your moods and your phases in life. But no matter what, always take the time to find gratitude in your everyday life. Examples can range from having nice weather, to waking up rested, to reflecting on your support system, to thanking yourself for working hard. Try to connect your gratitude to your values. What are you proud of yourself for? What compels you to get out of bed every morning and keep going? Be intentional about your gratitude list as often as possible. Secondly, feel free to spread gratitude to others. While it’s crucial to focus on being thankful for your own skills and determination, it’s also important to show gratitude to your support system. Write a gratitude letter to someone in your life once per week. The people you surround yourself with have a profound impact on your own self-worth—and telling them so will only help strengthen your relationships with them, and with yourself.

2. Affirmations and Positive Self-Talk – “The words we speak become the house we live in.” Think about that. If you are living in a space of negativity, badgering, shaming, judging and criticizing, how in the world are you supposed safe? Secure? Happy? It’s virtually impossible. Be careful how you speak to yourself. Show yourself love and gratitude by choosing kind and encouraging words. Have your own back—especially when it comes to standing up to your inner critic. In fact, if you have a rather vocal inner critic, be sure to externalize it by naming them. This creates a separation between yourself and your negative voice, which can help you realize that you are not indelibly tied to them. You are able to produce kind, reaffirming words, even if you are used to your inner critic being the lone voice. To get in the habit, practice saying at minimum one to three affirmations per day. They can be as simple as “I am worthy,” or as detailed as “I do not wait for others to give me permission to do what I love.” Ideally, these affirmations will set the tone for the rest of your day, and the more you repeat them, the more you’ll believe them. Between the constant source of positivity from yourself, and the undermining of your inner critic, you’ll be on your way to creating a safe environment for yourself to thrive.

3. Self-Care – Self-care can be defined as any act that nourishes the self. Some self-care acts might re-energize, while others might be for relaxation purposes. Typically, it’s used to rest, reset or reflect. Self-care will also look different for everyone. But the most important takeaway is that In order to have self-love, you have to show yourself you love yourself daily with acts of service. Taking care of yourself can be divided into three different categories: mind, body and soul. On an amazing self-care day, you’ll check off an item under all three categories. On more challenging days, you might only check off one. Here are some examples of self-care under each category:

Mind: journaling, reading for pleasure, watching a relaxing show, puzzling, drawing, crafting, knitting.

Body: exercising, having a spa day, doctor’s visits, visiting a salon, stretching, taking a bath, doing a skincare routine, facial masks.

Soul: prayer, meditation, connecting with a loved one, participating in a community event, reading a self-help or spiritually inclined book.

Remember: Everyone will have different self-care items that speak to them. For example, under “body,” some might prefer exercise over a manicure—and that doesn’t mean their self-care is better or worse than anyone else’s! As long as you are practicing self-care that fills your cup, you are doing it right. If you’re having trouble staying consistent or coming up with ideas for your own self-care, consider investing in a self-care calendar or self-care bingo to assist with the planning. Both could take the guesswork out of your planned activities and help you stay on track with your progress. I hope these tips help you curate a healthy and happy relationship with yourself. Your stability, security and sanity will thank you immensely if you can dedicate time to yourself every single day.

Strength and courage,
Wade

Tips to Achieve a Positive Mindset for Realtors©

Wade Webb on June 27, 2018

realtor positive mindset“We all need a daily checkup from the neck up to avoid stinkin’ thinkin’ which ultimately leads to hardening of the attitudes.” ― Zig Ziglar

The “power of positive thinking” is a popular concept, and sometimes it can feel a little cliché. But the physical and mental benefits of positive thinking both personally and in your real estate business have been demonstrated by multiple scientific studies. Positive thinking can give you more confidence, improve your mood, and even reduce the likelihood of developing conditions such as hypertension, depression and other stress-related disorders. All this sounds great, but what does the “power of positive thinking” really mean? You can define positive thinking as positive imagery, positive self-talk or general optimism, but these are all still general, ambiguous concepts. If you want to be effective in thinking and being more positive, you’ll need concrete examples to help you through the process.

Clever Tricks to Trigger Positive Emotions

1. Start the day with positive affirmations. How you start the morning sets the tone for the rest of the day. Have you ever woken up late, panicked, and then felt like nothing good happened the rest of the day? This is likely because you started out the day with a negative emotion and a pessimistic view that carried into every other event you experienced. Instead of letting this dominate you, start your day with positive affirmations. Talk to yourself in the mirror, even if you feel silly, with statements like, “Today will be a good day” or “I’m going to be awesome today.” You’ll be amazed how much your day improves. Tell yourself these positive things every day.

2. Focus on the good things, however small. Almost invariably, you’re going to encounter obstacles throughout the day—there’s no such thing as a perfect day. When you encounter such a challenge, focus on the benefits, no matter how slight or unimportant they seem. For example, if you get stuck in traffic, think about how you now have time to listen to the rest of your favorite podcast. If the store is out of the food you want to prepare, think about the thrill of trying something new. Find your silver lining.

3. Find humor in bad situations. Allow yourself to experience humor in even the darkest or most trying situations. Remind yourself this situation will probably make for a good story later and try to crack a joke about it. Say you’re laid off; imagine the most absurd way you could spend your last day, or the most ridiculous job you could pursue next—like kangaroo handler or bubblegum sculptor.

4. Turn failures into lessons. You aren’t perfect. You’re going to make mistakes and experience failure in multiple contexts, at multiple jobs and with multiple people. Instead of focusing on how you failed, think about what you’re going to do next time—turn your failure into a lesson. Conceptualize this in concrete rules. For example, you could come up with three new rules for managing projects as a result. You’re going to fail. Learn to use it to your advantage.

5. Transform negative self-talk into positive self-talk. Negative self-talk can creep up easily and is often hard to notice. You might think I’m so bad at this or I shouldn’t have tried that. But these thoughts turn into internalized feelings and might cement your conceptions of yourself. When you catch yourself doing this, stop and replace those negative messages with positive ones. For example, “I’m so bad at this becomes”, “Once I get more practice, I’ll be way better at this”. “I shouldn’t have tried” becomes “That didn’t work out as planned—maybe next time”. Silence the negative voice in your head.

6. Focus on the present. I’m talking about the present—not today, not this hour, only this exact moment. You might be getting chewed out by your boss, but what in this exact moment is happening that’s so bad? Forget the comment he made five minutes ago. Forget what he might say five minutes from now. Focus on this one, individual moment. In most situations, you’ll find it’s not as bad as you imagine it to be. Most sources of negativity stem from a memory of a recent event or the exaggerated imagination of a potential future event. Stay in the present moment. Be right where you are. Live in the moment.

7. Find positive friends, mentors and co-workers. When you surround yourself with positive people, you’ll hear positive outlooks, positive stories and positive affirmations. Their positive words will sink in and affect your own line of thinking, which then affects your words and similarly contributes to the group. Finding positive people to fill up your life can be difficult, but you need to eliminate the negativity in your life before it consumes you. Do what you can to improve the positivity of others, and let their positivity affect you the same way. Surround yourself with 5 amazing people. Almost anybody in any situation can apply these lessons to their own lives and increase their positive attitude.

As you might imagine, positive thinking offers compounding returns, so the more often you practice it, the greater benefits you’ll realize.

Strength and courage,
Wade