Building Connections and Overcoming the Loneliness Barrier in Real Estate

Wade Webb on August 16, 2023

 

“We are in an epidemic of loneliness.”
– Dr. Vivek Murtly, U.S. Surgeon General, May 2023

(Thank-you Suze Cumming for this week’s guest post)

Real Estate feels more challenging than it has in the 38 years since I began my career in sales. Over the past few weeks, I have reached out to many brokers, managers and team leaders to inquire about what they are experiencing. The ones I spoke to all related to me that many of their agents were struggling with mental health challenges.

With this information in hand, I began researching what other industries and research organizations are learning about mental health post-pandemic, and it does indeed seem like we have an epidemic of loneliness.

In this article, we will look at the symptoms and causes first, but please read through to the solutions. Whether you want to help yourself or help people around you, this could have a valuable impact.

The reported effects of loneliness are significant: low motivation, low drive, depression, impaired immune system, cognitive decline and premature death. In fact, America’s Surgeon General states that the effect of loneliness on our health is comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

So, what’s going on?

Loneliness isn’t about a people deficit; it’s about a connection deficit. While people were already lonely before the pandemic, the social isolation during the lockdown and many of our new ways of operating have greatly exasperated the situation.

Working from home, the loss of community spaces, our discomfort with social situations, social media addiction, and increased travel costs are all limiting our human interaction and social connection.

“Many of my agents haven’t been able to return home to see their close family in over three years,” says Stefanie Hostetter, CEO at Re/Max Sea to Sky in Whistler, B.C. Many of her agents come from far away, as Whistler is a destination market. Hostetter hails from New York, and she hasn’t been back to visit yet. Travel restrictions during the pandemic and our changed habits around travel have greatly reduced the amount of time that we spend visiting family and close friends.

She notes, “Some people haven’t been able to celebrate new babies or mourn the death of loved ones.” Travelling both abroad and within Canada can be stressful and expensive as the travel industry struggles to find balance.

“I run coaching and training sessions live in person at my brokerage, and only a tiny fraction of my agents show up,” says Wade Webb, broker/owner of Royal Lepage Kelowna Lake Country. Webb is a very sought-after, high-level coach and best-selling author, so this lack of engagement speaks volumes about his agents’ state of mind.

Structural barriers, financial insecurity, previous health or mental health challenges and life events can cause the loss of social connection. Those of us contending with loneliness have unique experiences and can’t all be solved the same way, but I have laid out some of the things that may help you reconnect with people and build community (which are both key skills for real estate success):

  • Answer your phone instead of letting it go to voicemail. You never know when something delightful might happen.
  • Join a local community of people. Think sports, workouts, hobbies, spiritual, charity, volunteer, chamber of commerce, meet-ups, etc. There are unlimited possibilities.
  • Call a friend or acquaintance instead of messaging them. They may also need the connection.
  • Say yes to social opportunities even if you initially feel hesitant.
  • Limit your social media time. Research confirms that most social media increases our social anxiety.
  • Go to the office. Create a comfortable shared space at the office where colleagues can visit, collaborate and co-work. I borrowed this idea from the tech industry as they work creatively to get employees to want to come back to the office and collaborate with each other.
  • Create a mastermind or support group with colleagues in your area and meet in person. Be sure to pick like-minded, positive-thinking people.
  • Organize an office event. Consider a fundraiser, outdoor adventure, swimming party or summer BBQ.
  • Improve your teleconferencing (zoom) skills. Be more natural, create casual time before or after a meeting, and invite others to connect after the meeting one on one.

What are other some other opportunities to connect and build community with people? Please share your ideas in the comments. 

If you or someone you know is unable to work through the loneliness or is suffering from significant social anxiety, professional support may be beneficial. Seeking this support is extremely common in our modern society and is a sign of strength and courage.  

Strength and courage,

Suze Cumming / Wade

REALTOR© Being Stuck & Overwhelmed?

Wade Webb on July 13, 2022

realtor stuck overwhelmedPersonally, or professionally as a REALTOR© are you feeling stuck & overwhelmed?

Feeling overwhelmed is a natural part of life. Everyone occasionally feels overwhelmed by expectations, responsibilities, and a lack of time. The past few months have been a huge test on us as Realtors© and being able to handle everything coming at us with the change in the market conditions and our clients uncertainty with what they want to do now. However, dwelling on feelings of overwhelm and letting them knock you off course can be detrimental to both your mental health and your productivity. If you find yourself saying “I’m overwhelmed” or feeling stuck with more than you can handle, here are some things to keep in mind to help you get through it.

1. These Emotions Are Natural. In the scope of the Earth’s history, human emotions are a fairly recent development. It’s no wonder we haven’t learned to peacefully coexist with them and end up fighting them on a daily basis. It can often feel like these feelings should be easy to overcome, but feeling overwhelmed is a natural response to having too many things going on at once. It’s your mind’s way of telling you that you need to slow down if you want to live a healthier life. Recognizing that overwhelm is your body’s way of trying to help you through difficult times can help shift the relationship you have with this emotion. Once you recognize it for what it is and invite it in without fighting it, you can begin to work with it to improve your feelings in a healthy way.

2. It’s a Breakdown of Thoughts, Not of Life. Our minds are powerful things, and feeling overwhelmed can feel like the end of life as we know it. In the book, As a Man Thinketh, James Allen says: “As he thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he remains.” We have the power to manage our thoughts, and as a result, manage who we are and who we will grow to be. This involves making our mental and physical health a high priority. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, your life isn’t falling apart—your thoughts are. Take a minute to find and clean out all your self-deprecating, negative emotions and thoughts. As you do this, you will find yourself feeling refreshed and invigorated with renewed energy to take on the world.

3. Things Can Turn Around Quickly. Maybe you’re saying “I’m feeling overwhelmed” as you face a project at work and don’t think you have the energy or time to finish it. You start letting yourself play out every negative scenario resulting from a failed project. Sitting on the couch and dwelling on these thoughts isn’t going to make anything better. In fact, it usually makes things worse. Things seem to fall in place as you chip away at a project and come to realize it wasn’t as bad as you thought. A good friend of mine always say to me “Things work out most of the time, just not all the time. It’s all good.”

4. You’ve Felt This Way Before. Think about the last time you felt overwhelmed. How did you overcome it? In the end, was it really as bad as you thought? If you don’t learn from past experiences, you’ll find yourself suffering from the same problems over and over. Successful people are the ones who understand that every experience, good or bad, is valuable. Go to a quiet place, and take as long as you need to remember previous times in your life you felt this way and how you overcame it.

5. Your Problems May Not Be as Bad as You Think. The best way to find out how good you actually have it is to take a break from worrying about your own life and do something kind for someone in a worse spot than you. Volunteering at a homeless shelter or orphanage can help put your problems into perspective, and that tight deadline may not seem so overwhelming. Furthermore, acts of kindness can produce oxytocin, which can help you feel better all around. This is vital when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

6. It’s Easy to Keep Doing Nothing. Your situation changes quickly when you start doing something, but it’s always easier to continue doing nothing. The mind generally doesn’t react well to change and will do its best to help you keep doing what you’ve been doing. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, that may mean it tries to make you do nothing. Those who overcome their struggles quickly are the ones who never give up, even when they feel that all is lost. At times, it might feel like there is nothing you can do, but that is exactly when you need to do something. How will you ever know for sure there was nothing you could do if you didn’t try? At the very least, you will find personal confidence in knowing that you did everything you could.

7. Gratitude Can Help Immensely. In a world of people obsessed with putting their best self forward, it’s easy to feel like everyone has more than you. Get that thought out of your head, and remember what you do have. Often, the things you have right now are things you were worried about having in the past. Don’t let an insatiable desire for more blind you from seeing and appreciating everything you have right now. Gratitude can combat feelings of overwhelm by bringing you into the present, which will combat worries of the future. Once you’re in the now, you can focus on what you need to do to get past feeling overwhelmed and overcoming the many things coming at you at once. If you don’t know what to do you’re overwhelmed, take some deep breaths and try to start a gratitude journal: How a Gratitude Journal and Positive Affirmations Can Change Your Life

8. People Want You to Succeed. Remember there are people in your life who want you succeed. Your life touches so many others, and there are people out there rooting for you. These people are part of your support system, and you can turn to them each time you’re feeling overwhelmed. You can call them for a quick pep talk, invite them out for coffee if you need a break, or even ask them for help with your overwhelming list of things to do. The bottom line, feeling overwhelmed is a natural part of life that comes from trying to always take on more than we should. This feeling is difficult to avoid in today’s world, but there are things you can do to reduce those feelings once they do arise. Remember the reminders above whenever you’re not sure how to move forward, and you’ll soon find yourself on the other side.

Strength and courage,
Wade

The Destructive Emotional Enemies In Our Minds

Wade Webb on March 13, 2019

realtor emotional mind enemiesI was attending a T. Harv Ecker conference in Los Angeles a number of years ago and I will never forget the session that mindset master Blair Singer gave us on the power of mastering your little voice. Singer walks on stage and begins describing that little voice in our heads telling us good things or telling us self-destructive things. It is like the little angel on one shoulder and the little devil on the other.

That same voice in your head saying “Wade I don’t have a little voice telling me good or destructive things”. Yes, that voice is the voice Singer was talking about that day.

Let me ask you this question? What can destroy our ambitions, our fortunes, our relationships, our real estate career —our lives? Answer: The enemies lurking inside us, the ones we face from within, the ones we’ve got to destroy before they destroy us. This week we share the enemies we all face every day in our own heads, including me!

1. Fear

We are not born with courage, but neither are we born with fear. Maybe some of our fears are brought on by our own experiences, by what someone has told us, by what we’ve read and heard about. Some fears are valid, like walking alone in a bad part of town at 2 o’clock in the morning. But once we learn to avoid that situation, we won’t need to live in fear of it. What fears ( False, Evidence, Appearing, Real ) are destroying you?

2. Indifference

What a tragic disease indifference is. Some will say, “Ho-hum, let it slide. I’ll just drift along.” But here’s one problem with drifting: We can’t drift our way to the top of the mountain. Where in your life are you drifting? Where is drifting robbing you from being the best version of you?

3. Indecision

Indecision is the thief of opportunity and enterprise. It will steal our chances for a better future. We have to take a sword to this enemy. You don’t need to take huge risks in life but you certainly can take educated risks. What is stealing your opportunity for a better life or business?

4. Doubt

Sure, there’s room for healthy skepticism. We can’t believe everything. But we also can’t let doubt take over. Many of us doubt the past, doubt the future, doubt each other, doubt the government, doubt the possibilities and doubt the opportunities. Worst of all, we doubt ourselves. Doubt will destroy our lives and our chances of success. It will empty both our bank accounts and our hearts. Doubt is an enemy. Go after it. Get rid of it. Where is doubt appearing for you?

5. Worry

We’ve all got to worry some—but we can’t let it conquer us. Instead, let it alarm us. Worry can be useful. If we step off the curb in New York City and a taxi is coming, we’ve got to worry. But we can’t let worry loose like a mad dog that drives us into a small corner. Here’s what we’ve got to do with our worries: Drive them into a small corner. Whatever is out to get us, we’ve got to get it. Whatever is pushing on us, we’ve got to push back.

6. Timidity

Over-caution is the timid approach to life. Timidity is not a virtue (unlike humility); in fact, it can be an illness. If we let it go, it’ll conquer us. If we’re timid, we won’t get promoted, we won’t advance and grow and become powerful. We’ve got to avoid over-caution.

So, we must battle with the enemy, battle with fears, build our courage to fight what’s holding us back, what’s keeping us from our goals and dreams. We have to be courageous in our lives and in our pursuit of the things we want and the people we want to become. The time is now! It starts with awareness and then you make the choice to squash it!

Strength and courage,
Wade