Improving Our Self-Confidence as a Real Estate Agent Archives

Are You Battling With Self Doubt?

Wade Webb on September 22, 2021

Have you ever felt like you weren’t enough? That no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t silence the negative self-talk that stops you from chasing your dreams and your goals for your real estate career? You might experience imposter syndrome, a nagging feeling that makes you doubt your abilities. Escaping that mind state isn’t easy, but millions of people have done it—and so can you. It starts with identifying who you want to be and letting go of the perfectionism crippling your journey in real estate. I personally struggle with self-doubt and feeling like I am enough more than I would like to accept or admit it. What I have learned from this feeling is we don’t reach success or our full potential until we become the hero of our own life! This week I want to share a few tips to help us all including myself battle the self-doubt, self-worth battle in us all.

1. Envision your best self. – All personal growth in ourselves starts with one question “What does my best, most powerful self, look like?” It’s a challenging question because you can’t use someone else as a reference point. It’s not as simple as responding, “I want to be exactly like my mentor or an entrepreneur on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list.” Upgrading your life is a deeply personal task. Every little tweak should be intentional enough to move you in the right direction. Instead of modeling your life after someone else’s, identify what makes other people successful. Is it their confidence that propels them forward? Do they have more discipline than the average person? Whatever those superpowers are, write them down. Keep the list close by so that each day you can work on adopting those traits. In the meantime, be patient with yourself. It can take years to identify all the changes you need to make and master new habits. No matter what happens, know that each failure—and they’re bound to happen—isn’t the end of the world. You still have time to correct those mistakes and get better each day. Even if you want to be a nicer person—let’s just say that to keep it easy—you don’t wake up, and all of a sudden, you’re nicer. It takes time, effort and energy from repetitiveness to become that.

2. Stop chasing perfection. – Did you know that perfectionism has more to do with ego than wanting everything to be perfect? Most people know that life has its flaws. But the ego has a self-serving agenda and tries to convince us otherwise. It pushes us to believe that if we try a little harder, everything can be perfect. It’s impossible to grow with this mindset, especially when you’re facing self-doubt. The good news is you can beat perfectionism with flexibility. When facing a difficult challenge, reframing the situation stirs those rigid, unproductive thoughts. I [went] from spending two days feeling bad about myself, letting a negative voice come in and hold me back, to the point where now, in real-time, I can say, “ How do I want to respond to this based on the person I want to be?” Here are four steps to reach that point:

Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Real growth happens when you’re pushed outside of your comfort zone.
Have a learner’s mindset. Take some pressure off of yourself by admitting that you don’t have all the answers. If you’re feeling like an imposter in a room of experts, ask questions. Give yourself permission to grow.
Don’t create deadlines for your growth. Becoming your best self doesn’t need to happen by a specific date.
It’s a lifelong process, so focus on the journey, not the destination.

3. Manage your emotions. – Before you get stuck in feelings of self-doubt, try to regulate those emotions. Ask yourself one question: “What are the things I need to do right now to show up? That could mean you speaking up in meetings, even when you are immobilized by fear. I found being in those meetings extremely detrimental to my self-esteem…. You’re in a room full of people, and you have no idea what they’re talking about, and I felt bad about myself. Then I said, Ok, you have a choice. You can keep coming into this room feeling bad about yourself, you can stop coming into this room or you can admit that they’ve got 15 years on you, and now you can start putting your head down and learning instead of focusing on the emotion you feel badly about. Another part of emotional regulation is taking care of yourself. No matter how busy you are as an entrepreneur, eating well and exercising are two ways to stay in control of your emotions. It’s hard to make good decisions when tired or hungry, so creating healthy routines is vital. I lift weights with my trainer (after resting well), and do my best to be mindful of how certain foods affect my body. Everyone has different needs, though. Be sure to learn your body so you can have an emotionally successful day, stay in control and slowly conquer the self-doubt that’s holding you back and know you are not alone.

Strength and courage,
Wade

How Do We Practice Self Love?

Wade Webb on February 17, 2021

Wanted to change things up and get a little more personal. We’ve been challenged physically, mentally, emotionally, existentially and fiscally, To put it lightly, 2020 has not left one corner of our lives unscathed, and every step of the way, we’ve felt the pressure. Pressure to get up in the morning with a smile on our face. Pressure to resume normal duties at our jobs and with our families. Pressure to remain optimistic even though our normal hobbies and favorite people are no longer available to us. How are we supposed to cope with all of this stress, knowing that most of our typical go-tos are off limits? My personal therapist Christine and I have been really practicing consistent self-love which I believe is the antidote for so many stressful seasons of our lives. While it might feel tough to nourish a healthy relationship with “ourselves” right now, it may just be the one constant in your life that will help you rise up during pressing times. So how does one even begin to practice self-love? First, let’s go over what self-love is and what it looks like, and then we’ll dive into how you can incorporate the actual practice of self-love into your daily routine.

The Four Stages of Self-Love

1. Self-Awareness – It’s as simple as this: Before we can love ourselves, we must know ourselves. While this may seem like an obvious point, it’s actually incredibly easy to lose sight of who we are amongst the chaos of everyday responsibilities, tasks and goals. We can get caught up in our “roles” in life and not pay attention to our core. So before you dive into your personal journey of self-love, take some time to make sure you are falling in love with the right person. Reflect on your authentic self—what drives you? Motivates you? Excites you? Disappoints you? Saddens you? Angers you? Inspires you? Relaxes you? But above all: Take all the time you need to seriously consider your deep-seated values and how they affect your decision-making and your triggers. Your values are the blueprint for who you are as an individual. They are the most telling things about you—and without knowing them intimately, loving yourself is going to feel forced and forged. If you’re looking for ways to dive into who you really are, I recommend looking into assessments. The Myers Briggs Type Indicator is a great start, along with the Enneagram, DISC and Strengths Finder. The longer you stay in this phase, the better you’ll get to know yourself. Don’t rush.

2. Self-Acceptance – Warning: When you dive deep into the inner crevices of exactly who you are, you might not love everything you see. That’s OK. We all have our random quirks and values that don’t look stunningly gorgeous on paper. The point isn’t to look at an airbrushed version of ourselves—but to fully embrace and accept all of who we are, even the less desired qualities. So give yourself some grace. Accept the fact that you might be a little overly obsessed with status, or that you like to avoid pain at all costs. Embrace your values—even if they make you flinch sometimes. The goal should not be to change who you are at your core. Self-improvement is meant to capitalize on who you already are. Self-acceptance is meant to embrace those fundamental pieces that make you who you are. You are a human, and none of us are perfect. A professor of mine once said, “If everyone in a room were to throw their problems in a pile, everyone would reflect on the other problems available, and still want to dig their own back out.” So own your problems. Own your mistakes. Own your values. Once you can fully accept—and embrace—your authentic self, the easier your self-love journey will be.

3. Self-Confidence – The best way to describe self-confidence is to think of it as self-congruence. When you show up as your authentic self in the world, and act on your self-acceptance, that’s self-confidence. This doesn’t mean you have to put yourself on display every chance you get, but it does mean that you allow your values and your authentic self to guide your actions and behaviors out in the world. When you honor who you really are—and let other people see it—you’re being congruent with your actions. You’re not hiding yourself for the sake of others, and you’re not shaming yourself for being who you really are. Instead, you’re releasing the pressure to play a certain role or stereotype, and just being yourself. While it sounds easy, we all know that’s not always the case. It takes courage and bravery to decide to respect your own values and opinions more than others. But that’s what you have to do—every single day. Decide to show up for yourself and not be dictated by how others view you. And when you find yourself struggling to find the willpower to keep going, simply whisper to yourself, “Other people’s opinions of me are NOT my business.” Not everyone will love you – but that doesn’t matter when YOU love you. Which brings us to our next step…

4. Self-Love – You have arrived at the fourth and final step of the self-love journey. From here on out, you will make a commitment to yourself and to your growth. You will carve out time in your daily routine to invest in yourself, compliment yourself, reassure yourself and cheer yourself on. Because if you don’t, we cannot assume that others will. This is your responsibility, and you owe it to yourself. So what does acting on self-love actually look like? Below is the breakdown of actual steps you can take to practice self-love.

The Three Pillars of Self-Love

1. Gratitude – Every single day, write down five things you are grateful for, and reflect on why you feel thankful for these aspects of your life. They can be small, monumental, boring, exciting, static or ever changing. Follow your moods and your phases in life. But no matter what, always take the time to find gratitude in your everyday life. Examples can range from having nice weather, to waking up rested, to reflecting on your support system, to thanking yourself for working hard. Try to connect your gratitude to your values. What are you proud of yourself for? What compels you to get out of bed every morning and keep going? Be intentional about your gratitude list as often as possible. Secondly, feel free to spread gratitude to others. While it’s crucial to focus on being thankful for your own skills and determination, it’s also important to show gratitude to your support system. Write a gratitude letter to someone in your life once per week. The people you surround yourself with have a profound impact on your own self-worth—and telling them so will only help strengthen your relationships with them, and with yourself.

2. Affirmations and Positive Self-Talk – “The words we speak become the house we live in.” Think about that. If you are living in a space of negativity, badgering, shaming, judging and criticizing, how in the world are you supposed safe? Secure? Happy? It’s virtually impossible. Be careful how you speak to yourself. Show yourself love and gratitude by choosing kind and encouraging words. Have your own back—especially when it comes to standing up to your inner critic. In fact, if you have a rather vocal inner critic, be sure to externalize it by naming them. This creates a separation between yourself and your negative voice, which can help you realize that you are not indelibly tied to them. You are able to produce kind, reaffirming words, even if you are used to your inner critic being the lone voice. To get in the habit, practice saying at minimum one to three affirmations per day. They can be as simple as “I am worthy,” or as detailed as “I do not wait for others to give me permission to do what I love.” Ideally, these affirmations will set the tone for the rest of your day, and the more you repeat them, the more you’ll believe them. Between the constant source of positivity from yourself, and the undermining of your inner critic, you’ll be on your way to creating a safe environment for yourself to thrive.

3. Self-Care – Self-care can be defined as any act that nourishes the self. Some self-care acts might re-energize, while others might be for relaxation purposes. Typically, it’s used to rest, reset or reflect. Self-care will also look different for everyone. But the most important takeaway is that In order to have self-love, you have to show yourself you love yourself daily with acts of service. Taking care of yourself can be divided into three different categories: mind, body and soul. On an amazing self-care day, you’ll check off an item under all three categories. On more challenging days, you might only check off one. Here are some examples of self-care under each category:

Mind: journaling, reading for pleasure, watching a relaxing show, puzzling, drawing, crafting, knitting.

Body: exercising, having a spa day, doctor’s visits, visiting a salon, stretching, taking a bath, doing a skincare routine, facial masks.

Soul: prayer, meditation, connecting with a loved one, participating in a community event, reading a self-help or spiritually inclined book.

Remember: Everyone will have different self-care items that speak to them. For example, under “body,” some might prefer exercise over a manicure—and that doesn’t mean their self-care is better or worse than anyone else’s! As long as you are practicing self-care that fills your cup, you are doing it right. If you’re having trouble staying consistent or coming up with ideas for your own self-care, consider investing in a self-care calendar or self-care bingo to assist with the planning. Both could take the guesswork out of your planned activities and help you stay on track with your progress. I hope these tips help you curate a healthy and happy relationship with yourself. Your stability, security and sanity will thank you immensely if you can dedicate time to yourself every single day.

Strength and courage,
Wade

Improving Our Self-Confidence

Wade Webb on August 5, 2020

Remember Remy? The little rat turned gourmet cook from the movie Ratatouille? Despite his circumstances, Remy didn’t let anything stop him from following his seemingly impossible dream of becoming a great chef. Wouldn’t it be amazing to have the kind of self-confidence embodied in that little character? The good news is self-confidence can be developed over time. But to build it you have to practice it. Once you understand how to foster it, you can boost your real estate career and other aspects of your life. To truly construct a foundation of self-confidence, it takes a lot more than just “dressing for success” or “faking it til you make it.” You need to dig deeper and take positive, deliberate steps. By investing in these five strategies, you’ll be able to not only build unshakable self-confidence but also sustain it over time.

1. Conquer your inner critic:

You know that little voice in your head saying things like,” I’m not qualified for that job, what’s the point of interviewing for it,” or “I keep getting passed over for a promotion, there must be something wrong with me.” Those nagging thoughts telling you you’re not good enough come from your inner critic (or critical inner voice). Dr. Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., author of Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, suggests following this 4-step process to conquer your inner critic: Try to identify what your critical inner voice is telling you. Acknowledge this thought process is separate from your real point of view.

Write these thoughts down in the second person (as “you” statements). For example, a thought like “I can’t get anything right. I’ll never be successful” should be written as “You can’t get anything right. You’ll never be successful.” This will help you see these ideas as an outside point of view and not as true statements. Respond to your inner critic by writing down a more realistic and compassionate evaluation of yourself. Write these responses in the first person (as “I” statements). In response to a thought like, “You’re such an idiot,” you could write, “I may struggle at times, but I am smart and competent in many ways.” Remember not to act on the directives of your inner critic. Take actions that represent your own point of view, whom you want to be, and what you aim to achieve.

2. Reflect on accomplishments:

Remembering events in which you felt proud or recognized can help strengthen self-confidence. These types of thoughts can also act as natural counters to the inner critic. Think about your life and list the ten best things you’ve achieved. Maybe you speak five languages, graduated first in your high school class, or climbed The Nose route on Yosemite’s El Capitan in record time. They don’t necessarily need to be major events—perhaps a time you were acknowledged for helping a friend or overcoming a fear. Put this list somewhere where you can see it often. Then spend a few minutes daily reflecting on the success you’ve already had. Allow these memories to make you feel good and remind you who you really are. As the best-selling author and motivational speaker Denis Waitley asserts, “To establish true self-confidence, we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.”

3. Maintain good posture:

According to research conducted at Ohio State University, sitting up straight isn’t just good for your posture. It also gives you more confidence in your thoughts. Researchers found that people who sat up straight were more likely to believe ideas they wrote down concerning whether they were qualified for a job. In contrast, those who were slumped over their desks were less likely to accept these feelings about their own qualifications. Another more recent study looked at how posture influenced students’ feelings about their performance. The study tested the effects of students’ posture during simple math exercises. Students who were anxious about math maintained that slouching made them feel less capable of calculation. Hunching down inhibited their thinking while sitting up straight gave them more confidence. So, by maintaining good posture, you not only appear more confident, you are more confident.

4. Develop an equality mentality:

People with low self-confidence tend to view others as better or more deserving than themselves. Instead of carrying this perception, view yourself as being equal to everyone. While it can be challenging to feel equal when we’re constantly comparing ourselves to the latest influencer on Instagram, it can be done. Recognize that those Instagram photos aren’t based in reality. They are a perfectly curated, over-filtered version of someone’s life. Make a mental shift to an equality mentality, and you will quickly see an improvement in your self-confidence. After all, as Marilyn Monroe pointed out, “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

5. Try things that make you uncomfortable:

Stepping outside your comfort zone is a great way to build self-confidence. According to Charlie Houpert, the author of Charisma on Command, “Confidence is ultimately about being comfortable in a wide variety of situations that would make most people feel uncomfortable. So, if you stretch your comfort zone every day, very quickly, you’ll have a large comfort zone and be able to feel more comfortable even when outside of it.” This can involve subtle changes like striking up a conversation with someone at a cocktail party or trying a new sport. The most important thing is to take small, daily steps. Becoming more self-confident is readily achievable if you have focus and determination. As author Barrie Davenport, author of Confidence Hacks, says, “Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered—just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.”

Strength and courage,
Wade