I recently had the privilege of spending 4 incredible life changing days with one of the greatest mentors in the world, Tony Robbins. I learned so many different things but the most impactful lesson for me was the power of the human mind and our own psychology. We all have the ability to decipher what is really going on in our lives and situations. The challenge is we have not been taught (including myself) how to access these skills and create the change in our lives we desire. I want to share the three elements that help you understand why you do what you do.
Start by asking yourself these 3 questions.
1) What Stops Me from Moving Forward? Taking Action? Being My Best?
“What lies before us, what lies behind us, is nothing compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson So let us look at the first question. What stops me from moving forward? The answer is FEAR. Fear can immobilize us from taking action like the fear of rejection, failure and of success. Most of us feel a combination of fears but the secret is using our fears instead of your fears using you! There are two primary fears that all of us have. 1) The Fear of not being enough or fear that we are not enough. 2) The fear of not being loved or fear that we are not loved. The most powerful fears that stop you from moving, taking action and being your best can be changed in a flash by you believing you’re enough, know that God does not make junk and that you are loved, know that God and so many others love you!
2) What Controls and Determines the Quality of My Life?
The next question is what controls and determines the quality of my life? What controls your life is the meaning you associate to the things in your life, which are shaped by your own beliefs and values that you have created. For example, two people may experience the same event but one person feels that “God is punishing them” and the other “God is challenging them.” This belief and value not only affects you and your life but the action that you will actually take next! Each of us have a pattern for our emotions that we use for coping. The patterns for coping in all of us:
1) The physical patterns like how you breathe, posture and move.
2) The question patterns on what you focus on and what you feel.
3) The meaning patterns on what we experience and the meaning we put to that experience.
I find myself in crisis so many times changing my posture, breathing and not moving then the feelings of anger, sadness set in and I go to being the victim and thinking woes me and that can stop by having this awareness and create the quality of life I truly want!
3) Why Do I Do What I Do? What Are the Ultimate Drives Behind All My Actions?
The final question is why do you do what you do? The universal force that controls this is the force of human need. No matter who you are and what you do there is a common force and need for stability, for change, for significance and for connection in our lives. Everything we do and why we do it, comes from these driving needs in our life. We make no conscious effort for these needs to be fulfilled, it is our own will that automatically steers us.
You all find ways to meet these needs in positive or negative ways. You can always find a way to fulfill your needs but the skill lies in finding a sustainable and positive way to fulfill your needs. So take the time to really think about these final questions. What is your greatest fear? What benefits have your fears given you in the past? What would it mean to your personal and professional life to be free of those fears?
Strength and courage,
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